Pregnant lady's case

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite
her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the
driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.


The man replied: 'Well your Honour, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat under a sweets sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile..

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick', and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, your Honour, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign
that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident'...I just lost it. '

Reminder to hold the petrol nozzle at all times.

> You guys

> don't be lazy.  

> 

> Always hold onto the nozzle like I did.  A friend stopped

> for petrol at the

> Petrol Station (the one) at the Lingkaran Highway near

> Gombak) a little over

> two weeks ago.  This was the first time he patronized a

> station.  As his

> normal  practice elsewhere, he put the nozzle on automatic

> and stood nearby

> waiting for his car to be filled up.  Suddenly the nozzle

> flew out of the

> gas tank opening with petrol spewing out at high speed.  

> 

> He was sprayed with petrol all over, including his face 

> and eyes (just

> imagine the pain in his eyes).  His companion  quickly

> brought him to toilet

> to wash his face.  After that they reported the incident to

> the staff and

> asked to speak  to the manager.  The manager refused to see

> them.  He only

> instructed the staff to take our friend to the hospital. 

> 

> According to the staff that was not the first time the

> nozzle came out of

> the tank while customers are filling up petrol.  But our

> friend's  incident

> was the worst.  The top layer of his right eye was damaged

> and the area

> around his eye burnt. His eye had to be bandaged for 10

> days.  He was not so

> lucky his eyesight was badly affected and became blind. 

> Apparently the

> nozzle was lighter than  normal and the speed of the petrol

> created a

> backward thrust that pushed the nozzle out of the tank. 

POEMS FOUND IN TOILETS

THE 'FUTURE' IS IN YOUR HAND , HOLD IT GENTLY'

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

Someone who had a different experience wrote,

You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!


I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.


There are also people who come in for a different purpose...

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come
here to scratch my balls ,
And read the bullshit on the walls...

Toilets walls also double as job advertisement space.......
(written high upon the wall)

If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire Department wants you.

Ministry of Environment advertisement.
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please

On the inside of a toilet door:
Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

And finally, this should teach some a lesson...am sure some of you had seen this before. Sign seen at a restaurant's toilet :

The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim
properly.

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